He curled his long fingers upwards, putting intense pressure on my g-spot with each curve. I gripped the bed sheets tightly as I felt myself getting closer to the edge, completely lost in the moment.
“Faster, Harry!” I cried, too far gone to even notice what I had just said.
“What?” Niall asked, freezing above me.
“I… I… well, uhm…” I stammered, feeling heat rush up to my cheeks as realization washed over me.
“Did you just call me Harry?” he asked, his tone disbelieving as he rolled off of me.
“I-“
“Are you thinking about him?” he asked, his voice becoming more and more agitated by the second “Are you cheating on me?!”
“What? Niall, no! I swear, it’s just…” I didn’t want to have to admit it but it was clear there was no way around the truth this time; I was just going to have to tell him. “Well, erm, you know how a lot of people, well, they write fanfics about you guys and some of them are, um… sexual.”
“And…?” he asked, looking confused.
“Well, you know, er, I read them occasionally,” all the time ”because they’re… interesting,” hot as fuck ”and you know, I’ve read some for each of you and, generally speaking, there’s a really specific way that you all are portrayed and, well, Harry’s are usually pretty fit…”
I couldn’t believe I was actually confessing my little hobby to Niall, I was grateful that the room was dark so I wouldn’t be able to see the look in his eyes, but I was still left with a bad taste in my mouth and an overwhelming feeling of shame in the pit of my stomach.
When he finally spoke, he replied, “So, you like to read stories about Harry having sex?” I cringed at his question, it sounded so much worse coming out of his mouth.
“Erm, yeah…”
“And it turns you on?”
“Yes…” I answered hesitantly. I was getting the feeling that this wasn’t going to end well.
“Hm,” he grunted as he sat up and climbed out of bed. I could see the outline of his body as he began gathering clothes from around the room and dressing. “You do realize that I’m your boyfriend don’t you? Not Harry?”
“Yes, Niall of course!”
“I’m your boyfriend, but you fantasize about fucking one of my best mates?”
“That’s not what it’s like, Niall!” I said, holding the duvet around me tightly as I sat up, “It’s not really Harry, it’s the Harry that fans want him to be, you know? A fake Harry!” I was scrambling now, but I couldn’t believe how quickly the situation had escalated and I was trying to say anything to make him stay. “I don’t think about HARRY Harry that way, just, you know… fake Harry.” I explained, but even I could tell how weak my argument was.
“Right,” Niall responded, sounding unconvinced as he zipped his hoodie and opened the bedroom door.
“Wait! Where are you going? It’s,” I said, glancing at the clock “Niall it’s 1 AM.”
“Thanks,” he said “because I couldn’t see that for myself.”
“Niall…”
“Don’t. I just want to be away from you right now.” he spoke quietly, his back still facing me.
“Niall plea-“
“But,” he added, cutting me off, “if you get lonely, I’m sure ‘fake Harry’ would love to keep you company.” with that he finally faced me and the light from the hall illuminated the pain in his eyes, causing a wave of guilt to flow through me, breaking my heart all over again.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to utter, but by then he had gone and I was left completely alone.
***
The next day the boys left to LA to shoot their newest music video and I was left in the flat for a week. Niall didn’t say goodbye and he certainly didn’t try to contact me while they were gone, but I stuck around, hoping that by the time they got back, he’d be over it.
During that time, I busied myself with housework, but on the day of their return I was like a puppy waiting for his master, the way I alternated between pacing and sitting in front of the window. For the hundredth time that day I heard the sound of car doors and raced to the window, my heart flipping when I saw that it was finally them.
“Hello gorgeous!” Louis exclaimed when I opened the door, hugging me tightly. The rest of the boys followed suit, giving me polite hugs and smiles, I hadn’t even realized how much I missed them until now and despite the fear that was nestled deep in the pit of my stomach, I couldn’t help but smile broadly at each of them.
“Niall!” I cried, when he finally entered the flat, bags in hand, but instead of hugging me like the rest of the boys he walked right by without a word and entered his room.
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying desperately to suppress tears and keeping my back to the rest of the boys.
“Aw, it’s okay love,” Louis whispered, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me slightly away from the group. “He’s been in a foul mood all week, why don’t you come to Nando’s with us? He’ll be fine once he gets some food in him, I’m sure.”
“It’s okay, Louis.” I said, feeling a hot tear slide down my cheek “I’m not really hungry…” I lied, swiping the tear from my face and straightening up. “Well, you lot have fun!” I said faking a smile, “I think I’m just gonna stay in for tonight, I’m a bit tired… Bye!” I added awkwardly before rushing into the bathroom and locking myself in. I had been waiting for the boys to return for so long but now that they were here, I just wanted to be left alone.
It wasn’t long before I heard the soft click of the front door closing and the flat fell silent again, telling me that the boys had left. Sighing heavily, I walked out of the bathroom and into the hall. Maybe I’d just pack my things and go; obviously Niall wanted nothing to do with me so why should I stay here anymore? Things would only get more and more uncomfortable if I did. I was lost in my own miserable thoughts, still trying to withhold my tears when I ran into something solid and was knocked off balance and straight into the wall of the hallway.
As I regained my senses, the familiar scent of Armani Mania aftershave filled my nostrils and my eyes went wide as I looked up at the boy standing before me.
To say I was scared, would be an incredible overstatement: I could never be SCARED of Niall, he was the most gentle kid I had ever met, but I definitely wasn’t very comfortable with the situation and more than anything I was nervous. Nervous as to what he would say, how he was feeling and most of all, would we still be together after everything was said and done?
“N-Niall what are you- I thought you were going out with the boys?” I squeaked as my heart pounded somewhere in my throat it seemed.
He said nothing but shook his head and stepped towards me, his chest mere inches from mine as he looked down at me.
It seemed I had forgotten to breathe as I stood, plastered against the wall, melting under Niall’s intense, searching gaze as it traveled up and down my body, but never once reaching my eyes.
After what seemed like an eternity he finally spoke, his voice low, slow and expressionless.
“I’ve been thinking,” he began, and as he spoke his eyes rested on mine, making me shudder. His normally bright, clear eyes now seemed to be dark and unreadable and too be quite honest, it was something of a turn on. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you get away with what you did last time we were together?” he continued, his serious tone cutting through my inappropriate thoughts like a knife. “But then I wondered,” he said, taking my wrists in each of his hands and sliding them slowly up the wall until they were suspended above my head, grasped tightly in his left hand “maybe it was my fault,”
